Happy Tuesday

Happy Birthday to Stephany, first of all. That's the only good thing about this God-forsaken day. I swear, I hate Valentine's Day. I always have. Just don't like it. Don't get me wrong, I love candy, and those little shortbread cookies (even if they are in the shape of hearts), and I can't wait for the day after when WalMart discounts all the candy and stuff. But if I have to see one more paper heart, or a stuffed gorilla or bear or rhinoceros or any other gargantuan animal that hallmark thinks would realistically be squeezing a fuzzy heart and saying "I love you", I will lose my freakin mind.

Maybe I'm a little cynical. Just a touch. But I think that if you need a special holiday to tell your significant other that you love them, that's sad. They should already know. Wanna buy a gift? Go ahead. But that's also what anniversaries, birthdays, Christmases, non-Christian holidays, Arbor Day, Flag Day, and whatever the hell other days are for. Honestly, we are just setting ourselves up for another time when we have to buy a gift, or a card, or show some obligatory affection.

And then there's the looks us singletons get from those already coupled up. My favorite salutation on V-Day (or basically anytime I say I'm not in a serious relationship) is "Oh don't worry. You'll find someone." As if that's all I am worried about. And what about someone finding me? I'm a catch! I'm not worried about being in a relationship. I don't want one. The only one who seems to be worried about it is everyone else. I'm in no hurry to get attached. I am perfectly content to treat no one but MYSELF on February 14th, and every other day for that matter.

On to the topic of serious relationships. whatever the heck that label means. The word serious can sometimes be distorted. I know some people that are in "serious relationships" and the only thing they are is "seriously pathetic." Or "seriously miserable." But they don't want to break up with him or her because they don't want to be alone. (Because that would be SO much worse than where they already are.) Or they say "It's complicated. You wouldn't understand." Trust me. I don't understand. Nor do I want to. Seems a hell of a lot simpler to be ignorant in that situation.

And on to displays of affection. This is tricky. I understand that when you are in love, you just want the whole world to know, and you can't wait to put your stamp on this other person saying "This is mine. Don't touch." It makes me think of a dog or cat peeing on something to leave its mark: it's gross, it stinks, and it seems primitive. Oh, and generally it offends those who are around. Honestly, if you feel as bad for those that are around you that are single, spare us. Keep that at home, in the bedroom, or on National Geographic. I really don't need to see the PG-13 version of how babies are made. I'm all set here, thanks.

Now, I am not knocking relationships, or marriages, or courtships, or those of you that are in any of the above. Some of my best friends are married or dating someone. And I love them just the same. The only thing I have a problem with is anyone acting like it is so much better to be in one of those things. Please, God, don't look down on me, or feel sorry for me, or pity me. I don't need it. I feel bad about myself for other reasons at times, and that is the last thing I need.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant, but it did. Sorry guys. (Not even sure if anybody reads this or not.) And if any of you think that I am a cold-hearted bitch, read my last post. I am entirely capable of compassion and feelings. If you still don't believe me, screw you. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

high school

High School

It's so weird to me...here recently I've been getting all these adds and stuff from people that I went to high school with. I mean, it's only been like three years since I graduated, but it feels like forever. I remember thinking that some of these people I might never see again, but with all this new technology, it's entirely possible.

I guess I liked high school okay. I mean, there are definitely moments I choose to forget and times where I just wanted to scream! (And probably did.) But I had some good times, too. I loved being on the yearbook and newspaper staff, I loved seeing a lot of the same people everyday, and I especially loved getting to see all my close girlfriends and hang out with them. I miss you guys! I remember thinking that when we graduated, things would never be the same. And they haven't been. Some of us have gotten married, a few have moved away, some have had children )not just my girls, but everyone I went to school with). But I don't think things changing is a bad thing. Not at all. We just grew up, that's all. Most of the people I graduated with I have known since kindergarten. We are from such a small school and a small town; we all knew everything about one another.

And now it's getting closer to time for me to graduate college. At least, I hope. And that means that a lot of the class of 2003 are getting closer to entering the world and trying to figure out we want to do, as if we haven't been doing that for the past three years anyway. Whenever I see people I went to school with, I alwamys like to see how they've changed, how they've stayed the same. Then it kills me for people to see me and say that I haven't changed a bit. I feel like a completely different person. My first reaction is "What!?!?! I cut my hair!" (Which, coincidentally, is what I seemed to be known for, and it has grown back out, and that's kinda stupid). But also, I feel so much different. I moved out. FINALLY. I am trying to take control of my life. i think differently, I talk differently, I believe in a whole new way of thinking. But I guess a lot of it is inner change. Like I said, I grew up. But sometimes...you do want to return to that immature way of thinking. Not just high school. Way before that. like, elementary school, when we were just kids, and everything was so simple.

Anyway. Just a thought. I miss my friends.