wham, bam, thank you, jam

I was staying over at my parents' house this weekend, and my mom tells me this morning that she made biscuits, help myself.

As I was preparing my morning treat, I went looking for jam and found none. Now, my mother, and my grandmother, and I think a large part of the population's mothers and grandmothers have that little drawer or whatever in which they keep those little condiment packets you get at fast food places. Our special place is in the fridge, in a ziploc, in the crisper drawer.

Sure enough, there were a couple of packets of strawberry jam, courtesy of Hardees in there. Or was it jelly? (While I'm thinking about it, what constitues the difference between a jam and a jelly? Is it consistency? Or is it purely based on matter of opinion? Is the jam or jelly in the eye of the jar holder? Hm. Then there are fruit spreads and preserves. I understand that they may have a considerable amount more fruit than jelly and jam, but what about the differences between just the two of those? And then there's apple butter, pumpkin butter, etc. That's not even a butter at all. But it's not a jam, jelly, preserve, or any of those. Anyway, I digress. This was not even the real point of this blog, but it's turning out to be just so.)

Anyhow, as I was spreading my jam/jelly on my biscuit, I pondered this thought: My mom keeps these little packets in the fridge, as she deems necessary. But at the restaurants, they are always just right out there, in a bin, not refrigerated.

This got me to thinking about some other things. When I am in the grocery store, I see products that make me wonder. Whenever I make pizza, I pick up some pepperoni, usually the little Hormel pepperonis that come in the little zipped bag. There is a whole plethora of them in the refrigerated section, next to the assorted cheeses and deli meats. However, when I turn around and walk back towards the cake mixes and baking necessities aisle, I see a large display showcasing the same pepperonis - NOT NEAR ANY COOLING APPARATUS!

That bothers me a little bit. Why would you refrigerate some, but not the others? They were exactly the same. And they are a meat product! I have also seen the ready-to-eat microwavable bacon in the same predicament at my local WalMart Super Center Food Center.

And then there are the little Jello cups that are in the breakfast section, or is it snacks? Anyway, they are just hanging up, and it says "No refrigeration needed!" No, thank you. I like my Jello cold. I don't trust hot Jello.

All I know is whenever I buy my pepperonis, I always choose from the selection in the refrigerator case. And I take from the back. (The same lesson is one that my mom always applied to milk ;)

marketing genius

Has anyone else seen the new Dr Pepper commercial? First of all, I just want to say that the flavored soda craze has gotten way out of hand. If I see one more diet, caffeine free, orange-pineapple-guava-passion-melon-fruit-snoozleberry-jazzamatazz soda, I think I will literally smash a can of said soda into the forehead of the nearest person drinking it. (Okay. Now that was a little violent. Maybe instead I will calmly walk away from the refrigerator case and say, "No thanks. I don't think so." Maybe.)

For those of you not up to speed, the flavor del dia is "Berries and Cream." Which seems innocent enough. The whole premise of the ad is that the guy can't take his hands (or mouth) off of his soda can because it is so good. I imagine it should be - that's three food groups right there in one can. You've got your fruits, dairy , sugars (it may be at the top of the pyramid, and it maybe small, but it's a part of the pyramid, damn it!) - too bad it wasn't breaded-porkchops-with-berries-and-cream - you could squeeze in carbs and a meat as well. But the kid even takes his drink in the pool as he is swimming laps in a meet! Which I must say, seems totally unrealistic to me. A lot of public swim areas don't even allow food or drinks near the pool, and definitely not in. Also there is a sanitation concern - do you know how many pool patrons consider that thing to be a giant pit stop? And if you are drinking both in and out of the water, how do you take breaths?

anyway, I'm digressing.

None of the things I have described up to this point are nearly as disturbing as the very end of the commercial. They show a can of the soda surrounded by berries, et cetera, and then comes the tagline:

"Get Berried in Cream."

Ew. Seriously? Honestly guys. That is a little much. As a friend of mine put it, "i need no references to vaginal discharge while I am trying to quench my thirst, thanks." (For those of you still in the dark, "cream" is a euphemism for...never mind. I can't even say it. And I sure as hell couldn't pitch an ad campaign based around that.) I am grossly bothered by this. Everytime I see it I think, "No, please no. Maybe it's different this time around. Maybe - no, wait. There it is."

Oh, well. I need to get in bed. Here's wishing all of you a surplus of juicy berries and a magnificent flood of cream.

***LATER NOTE: Okay, I was pilfering around, hoping to find a little picture of the Berries and Cream tagline, or the can, something to snazz up the old blog. I searched google, and i got several results, but it also told me this:

Did you mean: get married in cream




Your search - get berried in cream - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords.
Can I just say maybe before I was merely looking to get berried in cream, and I now I see that there is a whole world of options out there - getting married in cream? It's sad that that's the first place they go, when berried in cream doesn't provide as many results.

I went to the Dr Pepper website, and I found a little info. more importantly, they have an online store. right now I'm thinking, please God, let there be a way for me to get a berried in cream t shirt...I'm currently searching the site. (Can I quickly say that I freakin hate dial up internet?!?! I'm staying at my parents' so I hooked up to their modem, and this SUCKS!)

Damn. No such luck. But if anyone else comes across one (ooh....no pun intended. think about that one. yeah, that's right. I went there;), I know a certain gal who'd like to get her fair share of that sweet indulgence - on a t-shirt. (I just want to say that there are a million things floating through my head on this subject, and 99.7f them are dirty - i just don't feel right saying them in mixed company.)

Now, I leave you with...the commercial.