So, I love shoes. And I love boots. If any of you have read any of my previous blogs, then you might know that I had a little spat with a very dear pair of Steve Madden cowboy boots of mine (I believe the title is sweet sixteens and charmed thirds). We had since made up, and I have really just been waiting for the right moment to bring 'em out, bring 'em out.
This morning as I consulted my sophisticated weather system (which means I go to the front door and stick my arm out), I pleasantly surprised to find it was so cold. Yay, this means sweaters and boots and pea coats (oh my!)
As I prepared for class, I grabbed a favorite sweater, warm jeans right out of the dryer (this makes me think of that Seinfield episode, you know, the one where Kramer always likes to have warm clothing, so he always puts them in a dryer, but then he sticks them in the oven, and....never mind), and then I pulled on my too cute boots.
I clip-clopped my way into Self Hall, held my head up high and enjoyed my boots. We got out of class a little early, and it seemed like a good day.
Oh, no. Not so fast.
As I was venturing down the hall with my good pal Kristin, I felt my feet do that familiar dance and....BAM!
Right in from under me (you'll remember that they didn't really fall "out" from under me), my knees hit the floor with a thud, my bookbag hit the ground, and my coffee cup smashed against the cold, hard tile.
Granted, no one in the hallway at the time laughed or pointed or kicked me whilst I was down, but no one really stopped to help or check or anything. Kristin freaked out, and I just wanted to curl up into the fetal position and rock myself over into a corner.
So now I have wounded knees, injured pride and a pair of shoes I'm ready to throw into my closet and never look at again.
Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore and it may very well be awhile before I want to go out with them again.
Damn you, Steve Madden. Damn you and your cute cowboy boots to hell!!!!!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
nothing left to "loose"
I hate that. For those of you that know me, I am a grammar Nazi, and it pains me so much to see lose spelled looose. The real looser is the person who puts it on a church sign, as I have recently observed. There is this one church, on Church St. (ironically, or maybe not) that I like to think of as the Church of Bad Grammar. Every time I pass by, which used to be often, something else is wrong. Now, I know that no one can be perfect all the time, and I make my own fair share of mistakes. However, if you are going to be assembling a church sign that will be visible to everyone, or a banner, or a marquee, or whatever, please please PLEASE make sure it is correct. Gah!
Also. I noticed that it is quite often that children feel the need to run 'round displaying their artwork with spray paint on walls and street signs and such. These "delinquents" have come into contact with several street signs in the area, and my favorite is the person that spray paints the word "DON'T" above the word "STOP" on a red stop sign.
I don't get it. Does this person honestly think that a driver will pull up, look at the sign, and then think to him or herself: "Oh, wait. That's one of those "Don't Stop" signs. What was I thinking putting on my brakes? I'll just cruise on through."
If you want to be a real menace to society, why not just take the whole thing? Cut out the middle man. There is a large percentage of the Alabama population that is illiterate anyway, and they won't take the time to discern what letter means what.
I guess the moral of the story is this: the next time you are driving about your local residential area, pay attention to the signs. If you come across one of those tricky "Don't Stop" signs, and you aren't sure, err on the side of caution. Go ahead and take the extra time to stop. If you decide not to heed this warning, proceed with caution at your own risk, my friend.
Also. I noticed that it is quite often that children feel the need to run 'round displaying their artwork with spray paint on walls and street signs and such. These "delinquents" have come into contact with several street signs in the area, and my favorite is the person that spray paints the word "DON'T" above the word "STOP" on a red stop sign.
I don't get it. Does this person honestly think that a driver will pull up, look at the sign, and then think to him or herself: "Oh, wait. That's one of those "Don't Stop" signs. What was I thinking putting on my brakes? I'll just cruise on through."
If you want to be a real menace to society, why not just take the whole thing? Cut out the middle man. There is a large percentage of the Alabama population that is illiterate anyway, and they won't take the time to discern what letter means what.
I guess the moral of the story is this: the next time you are driving about your local residential area, pay attention to the signs. If you come across one of those tricky "Don't Stop" signs, and you aren't sure, err on the side of caution. Go ahead and take the extra time to stop. If you decide not to heed this warning, proceed with caution at your own risk, my friend.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
paper mache ponderings
There are some things that I see in my day to day life that disturb me a little bit. Even frighten me. Just random advertisements or products that it seems one could never ever want or even need. Or television commercials that are either too unbelievable or should have never been made. My favorites are late night infomercials and only-on-TV products (which you can usually find at Wal Mart or CVS) with a special one time only in the next 37 minutes offer! (Coincidentally these one time offers seem to still be going on a week or two later when I happen upon the same commercial again.) I love the one that asks you if you have trouble using normal curling irons and it shows the woman jabbing herself in the eye with the giant curling iron and fingering her frizzy hair with what can only be desribed as disgust. I think it's the one for the Revo Styler (yes, that's right, I remember the product name), this fancy rotating brush that styles and shines and slices and dices and cleans your entire home top to bottom (you get the idea) in one spin.
Here's what I'm thinking: (Okay, I never meant for any of this to be bold or unbolded, that's just my computer playing tricks on me) If you, as a woman with horribly frizzy hair and that may or may not have Tourret's or some other condition that causes your body to go into spasms that launch curling iron into your eye, cannot seem to manage using a simple curling iron, how in the HELL are you going to keep from getting a ROTATING brush stuck in your tangled mane? Just a thought.
A new commercial I caught on TV that made me giggle recently was for birth control. All these women were at a party, swilling cocktails, and I assume they were gossiping, and one woman made a comment about birth control, something, I've only really seen it once and have not had ample time to memorize it. Anyhow, this other girl says, "Yeah, and you shouldn't take it if you smoke!" The other girl responds with, "Right! And inform your doctor if you have heart palpitations, radioactive urine, blah blah blah" and then proceeds to rattle off all the precautions you normally hear voiced over in birth control commercials. But she does it like she just so happens to know and was just waiting for the perfect party topic to roll around so that she could flaunt her knowledge and experience on the subject. Cause I just KNOW that when I get together with all of my girlfriends, all we can talk about are MAOI inhibitors and glucosamine phenylhydrate levels (I just made that up, note, I just made that up)....oh, my gah, as if!
Then there's the tampon commercial where the clever and quick thinking girl inserts a tampax pearl into a hole in a boat she and her guy are paddling around a lake to stop a leak. Don't even GET me started.
I could go on all day about commercials, but that's not even what I intended to write about when I started this blog.
No, I was thinking of something a little different. Who can remember back to a time when you had fun birthday parties and things, and there were games and cake and ice cream and sometimes, a pinata? (Imagine the little tilda over the n) You know, with all the candy inside? All the kids would hit at it while blindfolded until someone hit the jackpot and there was candy everywhere?
Well, I was strolling down the party aisle with a good friend when we happened upon the pinatas. There was one shaped like a dinosaur, a peppermint, a race car, and......Dora the Explorer. Dios mio.
This made me stop dead in los zapatos. Now, I understand that children love, love Dora with all their corazones, but why would you want to string up an paper mache version of the Hispanic tot for the kids to beat the shit out of with a stick to get candy? It just seems like one big, bad ethnic joke to me. "C'mon, let's all cane the Mexican girl to get her candy." No esta bien, mis amigos. No esta bien.
That's all for now. More to come. Much more...
Here's what I'm thinking: (Okay, I never meant for any of this to be bold or unbolded, that's just my computer playing tricks on me) If you, as a woman with horribly frizzy hair and that may or may not have Tourret's or some other condition that causes your body to go into spasms that launch curling iron into your eye, cannot seem to manage using a simple curling iron, how in the HELL are you going to keep from getting a ROTATING brush stuck in your tangled mane? Just a thought.
A new commercial I caught on TV that made me giggle recently was for birth control. All these women were at a party, swilling cocktails, and I assume they were gossiping, and one woman made a comment about birth control, something, I've only really seen it once and have not had ample time to memorize it. Anyhow, this other girl says, "Yeah, and you shouldn't take it if you smoke!" The other girl responds with, "Right! And inform your doctor if you have heart palpitations, radioactive urine, blah blah blah" and then proceeds to rattle off all the precautions you normally hear voiced over in birth control commercials. But she does it like she just so happens to know and was just waiting for the perfect party topic to roll around so that she could flaunt her knowledge and experience on the subject. Cause I just KNOW that when I get together with all of my girlfriends, all we can talk about are MAOI inhibitors and glucosamine phenylhydrate levels (I just made that up, note, I just made that up)....oh, my gah, as if!
Then there's the tampon commercial where the clever and quick thinking girl inserts a tampax pearl into a hole in a boat she and her guy are paddling around a lake to stop a leak. Don't even GET me started.
I could go on all day about commercials, but that's not even what I intended to write about when I started this blog.
No, I was thinking of something a little different. Who can remember back to a time when you had fun birthday parties and things, and there were games and cake and ice cream and sometimes, a pinata? (Imagine the little tilda over the n) You know, with all the candy inside? All the kids would hit at it while blindfolded until someone hit the jackpot and there was candy everywhere?
Well, I was strolling down the party aisle with a good friend when we happened upon the pinatas. There was one shaped like a dinosaur, a peppermint, a race car, and......Dora the Explorer. Dios mio.
This made me stop dead in los zapatos. Now, I understand that children love, love Dora with all their corazones, but why would you want to string up an paper mache version of the Hispanic tot for the kids to beat the shit out of with a stick to get candy? It just seems like one big, bad ethnic joke to me. "C'mon, let's all cane the Mexican girl to get her candy." No esta bien, mis amigos. No esta bien.
That's all for now. More to come. Much more...
Monday, July 10, 2006
Slow down so I can "ketchup"
So, I'm dining with my sister at the local Arby's restaurant, and I find myself in a situation to which I am not unfamiliar.
I sat down with my tray of curly fries and Arby's signature roast beef, and I see there are several items on the table, possibly left over from the previous patron to occupy the booth. Several nakins and unopened condiment packets. At first glance, one might think this table was dirty and move on.
But, oh no. Not I. I saw deeper to the heart of the matter.
I don't know about you guys, but many a time have I been eating at a fast food restaurant and found myself with a surplus amount of condiments and napkins. But instead of just throwing them away, we would always leave them on the end of the table, thinking "We'll just leave these here for the next person to come along and use, so they won't go to waste. What a good deed we have done!"
But I ask you - how many times have you sat down to a table and thought, "Sweet! Check out all these ketchup packets and napkins already on the table! Now I don't have to get up and get any! It sure is lucky that whoever sat down before me was charitable enough to leave them for me!"
Hell, no, you haven't. If you are anything like me, you think "Ugh, gross, that is so nasty" as you gently push them further away. Or maybe you thrust them forcefully. Either way, I know I only trust condiments I get with my own two hands.
One more quick comment on cleanliness. Does anyone remember a time when Arby's had the sauce, ketchup, and horsey sauce right on the tables, in the squeeze bottles? Talk about on unsanitary. I never thought too much of it until I saw a kid sucking on one like a kitten nursing on its mama cat's nipple. Yes, sir, that was the end of using the squeeze bottles for Summer.
Anyway. That's all for tonight. More later.
I sat down with my tray of curly fries and Arby's signature roast beef, and I see there are several items on the table, possibly left over from the previous patron to occupy the booth. Several nakins and unopened condiment packets. At first glance, one might think this table was dirty and move on.
But, oh no. Not I. I saw deeper to the heart of the matter.
I don't know about you guys, but many a time have I been eating at a fast food restaurant and found myself with a surplus amount of condiments and napkins. But instead of just throwing them away, we would always leave them on the end of the table, thinking "We'll just leave these here for the next person to come along and use, so they won't go to waste. What a good deed we have done!"
But I ask you - how many times have you sat down to a table and thought, "Sweet! Check out all these ketchup packets and napkins already on the table! Now I don't have to get up and get any! It sure is lucky that whoever sat down before me was charitable enough to leave them for me!"
Hell, no, you haven't. If you are anything like me, you think "Ugh, gross, that is so nasty" as you gently push them further away. Or maybe you thrust them forcefully. Either way, I know I only trust condiments I get with my own two hands.
One more quick comment on cleanliness. Does anyone remember a time when Arby's had the sauce, ketchup, and horsey sauce right on the tables, in the squeeze bottles? Talk about on unsanitary. I never thought too much of it until I saw a kid sucking on one like a kitten nursing on its mama cat's nipple. Yes, sir, that was the end of using the squeeze bottles for Summer.
Anyway. That's all for tonight. More later.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
wham, bam, thank you, jam
I was staying over at my parents' house this weekend, and my mom tells me this morning that she made biscuits, help myself.
As I was preparing my morning treat, I went looking for jam and found none. Now, my mother, and my grandmother, and I think a large part of the population's mothers and grandmothers have that little drawer or whatever in which they keep those little condiment packets you get at fast food places. Our special place is in the fridge, in a ziploc, in the crisper drawer.
Sure enough, there were a couple of packets of strawberry jam, courtesy of Hardees in there. Or was it jelly? (While I'm thinking about it, what constitues the difference between a jam and a jelly? Is it consistency? Or is it purely based on matter of opinion? Is the jam or jelly in the eye of the jar holder? Hm. Then there are fruit spreads and preserves. I understand that they may have a considerable amount more fruit than jelly and jam, but what about the differences between just the two of those? And then there's apple butter, pumpkin butter, etc. That's not even a butter at all. But it's not a jam, jelly, preserve, or any of those. Anyway, I digress. This was not even the real point of this blog, but it's turning out to be just so.)
Anyhow, as I was spreading my jam/jelly on my biscuit, I pondered this thought: My mom keeps these little packets in the fridge, as she deems necessary. But at the restaurants, they are always just right out there, in a bin, not refrigerated.
This got me to thinking about some other things. When I am in the grocery store, I see products that make me wonder. Whenever I make pizza, I pick up some pepperoni, usually the little Hormel pepperonis that come in the little zipped bag. There is a whole plethora of them in the refrigerated section, next to the assorted cheeses and deli meats. However, when I turn around and walk back towards the cake mixes and baking necessities aisle, I see a large display showcasing the same pepperonis - NOT NEAR ANY COOLING APPARATUS!
That bothers me a little bit. Why would you refrigerate some, but not the others? They were exactly the same. And they are a meat product! I have also seen the ready-to-eat microwavable bacon in the same predicament at my local WalMart Super Center Food Center.
And then there are the little Jello cups that are in the breakfast section, or is it snacks? Anyway, they are just hanging up, and it says "No refrigeration needed!" No, thank you. I like my Jello cold. I don't trust hot Jello.
All I know is whenever I buy my pepperonis, I always choose from the selection in the refrigerator case. And I take from the back. (The same lesson is one that my mom always applied to milk ;)
As I was preparing my morning treat, I went looking for jam and found none. Now, my mother, and my grandmother, and I think a large part of the population's mothers and grandmothers have that little drawer or whatever in which they keep those little condiment packets you get at fast food places. Our special place is in the fridge, in a ziploc, in the crisper drawer.
Sure enough, there were a couple of packets of strawberry jam, courtesy of Hardees in there. Or was it jelly? (While I'm thinking about it, what constitues the difference between a jam and a jelly? Is it consistency? Or is it purely based on matter of opinion? Is the jam or jelly in the eye of the jar holder? Hm. Then there are fruit spreads and preserves. I understand that they may have a considerable amount more fruit than jelly and jam, but what about the differences between just the two of those? And then there's apple butter, pumpkin butter, etc. That's not even a butter at all. But it's not a jam, jelly, preserve, or any of those. Anyway, I digress. This was not even the real point of this blog, but it's turning out to be just so.)
Anyhow, as I was spreading my jam/jelly on my biscuit, I pondered this thought: My mom keeps these little packets in the fridge, as she deems necessary. But at the restaurants, they are always just right out there, in a bin, not refrigerated.
This got me to thinking about some other things. When I am in the grocery store, I see products that make me wonder. Whenever I make pizza, I pick up some pepperoni, usually the little Hormel pepperonis that come in the little zipped bag. There is a whole plethora of them in the refrigerated section, next to the assorted cheeses and deli meats. However, when I turn around and walk back towards the cake mixes and baking necessities aisle, I see a large display showcasing the same pepperonis - NOT NEAR ANY COOLING APPARATUS!
That bothers me a little bit. Why would you refrigerate some, but not the others? They were exactly the same. And they are a meat product! I have also seen the ready-to-eat microwavable bacon in the same predicament at my local WalMart Super Center Food Center.
And then there are the little Jello cups that are in the breakfast section, or is it snacks? Anyway, they are just hanging up, and it says "No refrigeration needed!" No, thank you. I like my Jello cold. I don't trust hot Jello.
All I know is whenever I buy my pepperonis, I always choose from the selection in the refrigerator case. And I take from the back. (The same lesson is one that my mom always applied to milk ;)
Thursday, June 1, 2006
marketing genius
Has anyone else seen the new Dr Pepper commercial? First of all, I just want to say that the flavored soda craze has gotten way out of hand. If I see one more diet, caffeine free, orange-pineapple-guava-passion-melon-fruit-snoozleberry-jazzamatazz soda, I think I will literally smash a can of said soda into the forehead of the nearest person drinking it. (Okay. Now that was a little violent. Maybe instead I will calmly walk away from the refrigerator case and say, "No thanks. I don't think so." Maybe.)
For those of you not up to speed, the flavor del dia is "Berries and Cream." Which seems innocent enough. The whole premise of the ad is that the guy can't take his hands (or mouth) off of his soda can because it is so good. I imagine it should be - that's three food groups right there in one can. You've got your fruits, dairy , sugars (it may be at the top of the pyramid, and it maybe small, but it's a part of the pyramid, damn it!) - too bad it wasn't breaded-porkchops-with-berries-and-cream - you could squeeze in carbs and a meat as well. But the kid even takes his drink in the pool as he is swimming laps in a meet! Which I must say, seems totally unrealistic to me. A lot of public swim areas don't even allow food or drinks near the pool, and definitely not in. Also there is a sanitation concern - do you know how many pool patrons consider that thing to be a giant pit stop? And if you are drinking both in and out of the water, how do you take breaths?
anyway, I'm digressing.
None of the things I have described up to this point are nearly as disturbing as the very end of the commercial. They show a can of the soda surrounded by berries, et cetera, and then comes the tagline:
"Get Berried in Cream."
Ew. Seriously? Honestly guys. That is a little much. As a friend of mine put it, "i need no references to vaginal discharge while I am trying to quench my thirst, thanks." (For those of you still in the dark, "cream" is a euphemism for...never mind. I can't even say it. And I sure as hell couldn't pitch an ad campaign based around that.) I am grossly bothered by this. Everytime I see it I think, "No, please no. Maybe it's different this time around. Maybe - no, wait. There it is."
Oh, well. I need to get in bed. Here's wishing all of you a surplus of juicy berries and a magnificent flood of cream.
***LATER NOTE: Okay, I was pilfering around, hoping to find a little picture of the Berries and Cream tagline, or the can, something to snazz up the old blog. I searched google, and i got several results, but it also told me this:
Did you mean: get married in cream
Your search - get berried in cream - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords.
Can I just say maybe before I was merely looking to get berried in cream, and I now I see that there is a whole world of options out there - getting married in cream? It's sad that that's the first place they go, when berried in cream doesn't provide as many results.
I went to the Dr Pepper website, and I found a little info. more importantly, they have an online store. right now I'm thinking, please God, let there be a way for me to get a berried in cream t shirt...I'm currently searching the site. (Can I quickly say that I freakin hate dial up internet?!?! I'm staying at my parents' so I hooked up to their modem, and this SUCKS!)
Damn. No such luck. But if anyone else comes across one (ooh....no pun intended. think about that one. yeah, that's right. I went there;), I know a certain gal who'd like to get her fair share of that sweet indulgence - on a t-shirt. (I just want to say that there are a million things floating through my head on this subject, and 99.7f them are dirty - i just don't feel right saying them in mixed company.)
Now, I leave you with...the commercial.
For those of you not up to speed, the flavor del dia is "Berries and Cream." Which seems innocent enough. The whole premise of the ad is that the guy can't take his hands (or mouth) off of his soda can because it is so good. I imagine it should be - that's three food groups right there in one can. You've got your fruits, dairy , sugars (it may be at the top of the pyramid, and it maybe small, but it's a part of the pyramid, damn it!) - too bad it wasn't breaded-porkchops-with-berries-and-cream - you could squeeze in carbs and a meat as well. But the kid even takes his drink in the pool as he is swimming laps in a meet! Which I must say, seems totally unrealistic to me. A lot of public swim areas don't even allow food or drinks near the pool, and definitely not in. Also there is a sanitation concern - do you know how many pool patrons consider that thing to be a giant pit stop? And if you are drinking both in and out of the water, how do you take breaths?
anyway, I'm digressing.
None of the things I have described up to this point are nearly as disturbing as the very end of the commercial. They show a can of the soda surrounded by berries, et cetera, and then comes the tagline:
"Get Berried in Cream."
Ew. Seriously? Honestly guys. That is a little much. As a friend of mine put it, "i need no references to vaginal discharge while I am trying to quench my thirst, thanks." (For those of you still in the dark, "cream" is a euphemism for...never mind. I can't even say it. And I sure as hell couldn't pitch an ad campaign based around that.) I am grossly bothered by this. Everytime I see it I think, "No, please no. Maybe it's different this time around. Maybe - no, wait. There it is."
Oh, well. I need to get in bed. Here's wishing all of you a surplus of juicy berries and a magnificent flood of cream.
***LATER NOTE: Okay, I was pilfering around, hoping to find a little picture of the Berries and Cream tagline, or the can, something to snazz up the old blog. I searched google, and i got several results, but it also told me this:
Did you mean: get married in cream
Your search - get berried in cream - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords.
Can I just say maybe before I was merely looking to get berried in cream, and I now I see that there is a whole world of options out there - getting married in cream? It's sad that that's the first place they go, when berried in cream doesn't provide as many results.
I went to the Dr Pepper website, and I found a little info. more importantly, they have an online store. right now I'm thinking, please God, let there be a way for me to get a berried in cream t shirt...I'm currently searching the site. (Can I quickly say that I freakin hate dial up internet?!?! I'm staying at my parents' so I hooked up to their modem, and this SUCKS!)
Damn. No such luck. But if anyone else comes across one (ooh....no pun intended. think about that one. yeah, that's right. I went there;), I know a certain gal who'd like to get her fair share of that sweet indulgence - on a t-shirt. (I just want to say that there are a million things floating through my head on this subject, and 99.7f them are dirty - i just don't feel right saying them in mixed company.)
Now, I leave you with...the commercial.
Tuesday, May 9, 2006
i'm a multi-tasker.
Wow. I reached a new all-time low this morning.
I do a lot of things in the car, like makeup, talking on the phone, ironing - you know, the usual. (*DISCLAIMER i do not actually iron while driving, that was an over exaggeration used for humorous person. i mean please. I don't have a plug-in in my car. But I'm sure there are several people out there who feel me when I say I would seriously consider it were it at all possible.)
ANYway, I digress. As I was making the 35 minute plus drive to Jacksonville, I added a new thing to my list.
I brushed my teeth.
Yes, that's right, I brushed my teeth whilst driving to school. But I had to ask myself - did my need for personal oral hygiene trump my lost dignity as I performed said usual morning bathroom ritual? something to think about.
I do a lot of things in the car, like makeup, talking on the phone, ironing - you know, the usual. (*DISCLAIMER i do not actually iron while driving, that was an over exaggeration used for humorous person. i mean please. I don't have a plug-in in my car. But I'm sure there are several people out there who feel me when I say I would seriously consider it were it at all possible.)
ANYway, I digress. As I was making the 35 minute plus drive to Jacksonville, I added a new thing to my list.
I brushed my teeth.
Yes, that's right, I brushed my teeth whilst driving to school. But I had to ask myself - did my need for personal oral hygiene trump my lost dignity as I performed said usual morning bathroom ritual? something to think about.
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